Crucial Information Follows This Title

Recently, a very important question was brought to my attention and I felt that I should share.

My friend Mike asked, "If someone holds the door for you... you make sure to say 'thanks'. If there is a double door, like in a mall, do you say 'thanks' twice, or is once enough? Further, if once is good enough, do you say it after the first door, or as a cumulative thanks at the end? These are the things I think about..."

My housemate was kind enough to provide him with a well-thought out answer:

"Oh yeah, I've also pondered the door question...and it is quite tricky. I generally go for the cumulative 'thank-you' but I tend to say it in such an enthusiastic manner that there's no way it could me mistaken as only thanking for one door. Unless of course the only reason they're holding the door for me is because I did the initial holding of the first door. If I don't get a thank-you they generally get a most sarcastic 'thanks'. BUT if they thank me for holding the first door, I give a sincere thanks with a smile.

"Now, the tricky business is when they hold the first door and you're holding the second. And you say thanks, but they don't return the courtesy. This usually results in my glaring at the back of their head as they walk away. Yeah, that's right. I glare. That sure shows them."

As I said, it was well-thought out. But if you ask me, it was a response worthy of a door-in-the-face. Therefore, my reply was as follows:

"Now, Mike, you pose an excellent question for all of us to ponder. I noticed above that my housemate has already been pondering this, and I must say, what an idiot.

"I agree that it is important to always say thank you when someone holds the door open for you. However, in terms of the double doors, I've got a story for you. As a child growing up, I only felt the need to say a cumulative thank you after the second door. My mother disagreed with me on this one as I found out the difficult way. She held that first door, oh did she ever, and when I didn't say thank you, she snottily said "you're welcome" and slammed the second door in my face. I was two. Needless to say, the door knocked me right over. Two year olds aren't very big.

"Since taking a spanish course last semester (and I must tell you that I excelled), I've learned to appreciate the vast amount of culture in our society. So I like to mix it up. Let's say, for example, that someone is holding the door for you, and you know by looking at them that they're most definitely french, you should say "merci". Best to use their native tongue, because that's what they'll most appreciate. Or if I feel it's necessary, I'll pull out a "gracias, señor/señora" or maybe even a "Danke, Herr" for my german-looking freunde. I won't lie, I've even been known to use a good "спасибо, сэр" for those russian-looking brutes. The possibilities here are endless, Mike. And again, I encourage you to say something... anything... after each door. You can even switch it up if you're not positive of someone's ethnicity... say a "merci beaucoup, madame" followed by a "obrigado, Senhor". Just say something, dammit! It also works well if you're unsure of a fellow door-holder's gender. Whip out a different language and they'll have no idea where you're coming from, so they'll automatically be grateful that you even said anything at all.

"In conclusion, it's all about both doors. I can't believe I live with that idiota estúpido. And to think that I hold doors for her."



I urge you all to take this to heart.