When did guys decide that not saying something is the way to go? Is it some kind of lesson that they're taught at a young age that girls seem to miss out on or something?

I've said it before and I'll say it again... you're not being the good guy by not saying it. It's easier on everyone to just get it over with. As far as I'm concerned, avoiding things prolongs the inevitable. I've played it both ways in the past and I've learned my lesson. It doesn't necessarily feel very good at the time, letting someone down, but it's easier than coming up with excuses time and time again while you wait for someone to get the hint. Just get it over with, guys.

You've got the balls, use them.

"A cloud moves in, rain falls, thunder strikes, and sunshine breaks through the clouds."

I'm waiting for the sunshine. I feel like I've been waiting forever. And I know it's my own fault that it's not breaking through, I really do. But I've been getting so caught up in past experiences that it just terrifies me to end up in the same place again. So I've been taking the opposite approach. I've known all throughout that I'm just going to end up hurting myself, that nothing good is going to come of it. But I'm scared to go back.

I'm scared to go back to what should be a better place, but a place that was ruined for me by so many people.

Jaws dropping and limbs trembling

A fateful box appeared in the corner of my screen today...

I've received a new e-mail. Not overly surprising. From Facebook. Again, not overly surprising, until... wait. I quickly rule out the possibilities--I haven't posted on anyone's wall recently who hasn't gotten back to me afterwards; I don't think I'm in any new pictures that people could be posting; No, not that... that can't be it either.

So curiosity gets the best of me, and I need to check immediately what Facebook is informing me of. So I click the box and wait. A ridiculously long time, made excruciatingly painful by the slow pace of my computer and my inquiring mind. The e-mail opens. I take a quick glance.... and panic.


I swear, you've never felt fear until you've seen the name of your potential, near-boyfriend's ex-girlfriend in your inbox saying that she's sent you a message on Facebook.

"I don't want 48 uninterrupted hours"

So it's not uncommon for the average TV viewer to find themselves able to relate to a particular character on a randomly selected TV show, right?

Grey's Anatomy. While some of the plot lines are wildly unnatural, you can't help but stop and think who you're most like. Me? I always saw bits of Meredith and Izzy in myself, but I won't get into the actual qualities of theirs that I feel I possess.

And yet somehow through tonight's episode, I discovered that (stripping away the male anatomy and the title of neurosurgeon, of course) I've become McDreamy.

Going too far.

So I've never indicated in any way that I think that I've made perfect decisions in my life. I recognize that I've done some pretty stupid things, and I even have that lovely curse of replaying them over and over in my head, analysing them until there's nothing left to think about. Until I start all over again, of course, and it actually makes me sick to my stomach.

It's fair for people to be disappointed with some of the things I'm done, maybe to be a little angry or whatever. But things just get hypocritical when, it turns out, the other people are doing similar things. They're just not telling people about them, so they get away with it. They get to throw out the disappointed attitudes with regards to my actions, but keep silent about their own. The 'holier than thou' thing has got to stop.



On a slightly different note... finally a friendly person in this city. I had a lovely elevator chat this morning, followed by a nice walk to the street. Unfortunately, the guy now likely thinks I'm stalking him.